I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
