i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
