I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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