I accidentally had phone sex last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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