whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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