my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
