Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
