The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
