Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
