I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
