I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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