There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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