just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
