Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Let's paint friendship bongs
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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