That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
