so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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