would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
