I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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