Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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