I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Two words: blizzard sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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