his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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