did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We got so high we made milksteak
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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