Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
