Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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