Too much gin, very little bucket
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up under a house in Key West
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