Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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