ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
