he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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