I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
