the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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