My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's Friday. Sex?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
