maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
