just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize