I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My vagina is officially offended.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
