Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
