It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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