Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
