I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
