He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
