i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
