shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
