tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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