I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
