Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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