fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
