She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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