All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
