I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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