Duck Duck Cougar?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cut my penus on the lid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
