WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
