In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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