I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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