Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
love makes seman taste better
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
