Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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