Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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