Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
