Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
