I wish I only lived at night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
