Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
