are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
