Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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