he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him