Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Get your hand out of your ass!

  (734): View more from Michigan

  how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?

  (650): View more from California

  In your belly button

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  (650): Get your hand out of your ass! (734): how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..? (650): In your belly button http://tfl.nu/hvbh
  Replies (3) Good night (1233) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc

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  (201): whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc http://tfl.nu/bhl3
  Replies (31) Good night (1802) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

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  (803): I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway. http://tfl.nu/iohv
  Replies (8) Good night (1839) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?

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  (404): I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that? http://tfl.nu/s882
  Replies (56) Good night (7823) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away

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  (330): this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away http://tfl.nu/f28q
  Replies (19) Good night (3866) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

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  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3414) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

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  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
  Replies (9) Good night (6321) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.

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  (817): Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday. http://tfl.nu/w47f
  Replies (9) Good night (2909) Bad night (876)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.

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  (727): well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up. http://tfl.nu/6z0c
  Replies (6) Good night (1739) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.

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  (775): I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender. http://tfl.nu/0llk
  Replies (1) Good night (1169) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."

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  (303): My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..." http://tfl.nu/535j
  Replies (5) Good night (1354) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.

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  (254): Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/8cn8
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.

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  (253): T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night. http://tfl.nu/lo7s
  Replies (0) Good night (486) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake

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  (805): Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake http://tfl.nu/6q42
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.

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  (360): Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight. http://tfl.nu/kads
  Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (895)

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