I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties