Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

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  (603): just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap http://tfl.nu/im6h
  Replies (11) Good night (2553) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

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  (262): Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face. http://tfl.nu/let7
  Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (3500)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

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  (845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore http://tfl.nu/w95h
  Replies (20) Good night (5576) Bad night (1269)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

  (562): View more from California

  You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

  (714): View more from California

  Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

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  (714): Hahaha you puked all over his shirt. (562): You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch. (714): Well someones bitter they didn't get any. http://tfl.nu/4mgl
  Replies (20) Good night (5357) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

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  (202): In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/gnds
  Replies (14) Good night (3498) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday

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  (706): We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/wcd8
  Replies (2) Good night (896) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me

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  (276): I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me http://tfl.nu/m1mj
  Replies (1) Good night (1072) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives

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  (215): I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives http://tfl.nu/psy5
  Replies (4) Good night (417) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".

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  (254): You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist". http://tfl.nu/nem1
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"

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  (334): Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning" http://tfl.nu/rbo4
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.

  (469): View more from Texas

  BP at your house from now on.

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  (214): NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off. (469): BP at your house from now on. http://tfl.nu/i1e8
  Replies (0) Good night (763) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me

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  (828): This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me http://tfl.nu/34nr
  Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.

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  (+44): Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread. http://tfl.nu/ub9a
  Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.

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  (617): Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/f6ht
  Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.

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  (813): I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT! (303): Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob. http://tfl.nu/k7kv
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (132)

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