He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
