Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.

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  (650): Not a fireman, but good enough for last night. http://tfl.nu/537l
  Replies (2) Good night (950) Bad night (465)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life

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  (678): xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life http://tfl.nu/zerk
  Replies (23) Good night (913) Bad night (3077)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.

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  (410): I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/d8vw
  Replies (19) Good night (3552) Bad night (825)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.

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  (617): Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street. http://tfl.nu/miwy
  Replies (5) Good night (742) Bad night (3546)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

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  (503): How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record? http://tfl.nu/dn2a
  Replies (37) Good night (956) Bad night (4355)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

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  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (41) Good night (6450) Bad night (1173)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.

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  (281): It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly. http://tfl.nu/y0mx
  Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (1983)
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  (805): View more from California

  Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla

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  (805): Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla http://tfl.nu/wlr8
  Replies (9) Good night (2098) Bad night (908)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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  (917): Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree. http://tfl.nu/ljt4
  Replies (16) Good night (2896) Bad night (1551)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.

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  (618): I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/619k
  Replies (2) Good night (1758) Bad night (850)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.

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  (978): This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke. (1-978): Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting. http://tfl.nu/cqts
  Replies (11) Good night (3558) Bad night (713)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.

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  (469): You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/g688
  Replies (2) Good night (2352) Bad night (686)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair

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  (303): well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair http://tfl.nu/spf3
  Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (546)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying

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  (971): you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying http://tfl.nu/m75c
  Replies (8) Good night (1591) Bad night (433)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them

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  (613): Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them http://tfl.nu/25vp
  Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (268)

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