Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face

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(309): View more from Illinois

i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.

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(214): View more from Texas

The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(818): View more from California

Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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(516): View more from New York

well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks

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(989): View more from Michigan

If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back

(906): View more from Michigan

I resent that

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick

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