btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.