there's paper in my vomit.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
