Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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