tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
