Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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