yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
