OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
