very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
